Fans of awful bee puns are in for a treat as Chris Gau rejoins to explore The Stath's smash-em-up THE BEEKEEPER directed by David Ayer, written by Kurt Wimmer and starring Jason Statham, Emmy Raver-Lampman, Josh Hutcherson, Bobby Naderi, Phylicia Rashad, Jemma Redgrave and Jeremy Irons.
(Fans of the actual movie: your mileage may vary 😬)
THE BEEKEEPER trailer
We also got into Chris' magical/maniacal movie watching (check his LETTERBOXD) as well as mentioning THE HOLDOVERS, THE BRICKLAYER and STREETWISE among others.
The show's got a Twitter: @dodgethispod
All the other good stuff is here: simonfeilder.com
Subscribe to Simon's newsletter thing: simonfeilder.substack.com
Chris is hard to find online but follow him on LETTERBOXD
Affiliate Links:
Hosted by Buzzsprout & recorded in Riverside.fm
This will help you watch all the international treats: nordVPN
If you're reading this far, hive got a little request.... could you do a rate (and review) on Apple or Spotify plz&thx?
Fans of awful bee puns are in for a treat as Chris Gau rejoins to explore The Stath's smash-em-up THE BEEKEEPER directed by David Ayer, written by Kurt Wimmer and starring Jason Statham, Emmy Raver-Lampman, Josh Hutcherson, Bobby Naderi, Phylicia Rashad, Jemma Redgrave and Jeremy Irons.
(Fans of the actual movie: your mileage may vary 😬)
THE BEEKEEPER trailer
We also got into Chris' magical/maniacal movie watching (check his LETTERBOXD) as well as mentioning THE HOLDOVERS, THE BRICKLAYER and STREETWISE among others.
The show's got a Twitter: @dodgethispod
All the other good stuff is here: simonfeilder.com
Subscribe to Simon's newsletter thing: simonfeilder.substack.com
Chris is hard to find online but follow him on LETTERBOXD
Affiliate Links:
Hosted by Buzzsprout & recorded in Riverside.fm
This will help you watch all the international treats: nordVPN
If you're reading this far, hive got a little request.... could you do a rate (and review) on Apple or Spotify plz&thx?
To be or not to be? Isn't that the bloody question? Think or take? To be. I call it the art of fighting without fighting. Stick around. Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate on bail. Dodge this. You join us for what some people are calling, Dodge This Season 3 Episode 10. We are talking about Jason Statham keeping bees in the Beekeeper. And in order to do that, I thought what a perfect time to invite back the People's Champ. I don't think that's what anyone calls him, but now they should. We talked about the Equalizer 3, and I think we really saw eye to eye on that one, and this felt like the right time to bring him back, to call him back into action. It is London's own Christopher Gow. Too early for bee puns. ALICE The people who are calling me the People's Champion, the same people who are calling this episode, episode 10, the Beekeeper, that you mentioned earlier. Yeah, they're, I can't control them, they're all over the place, but let them do what they're gonna do. Okay. Like bees. Sometimes these things take on a life of their own, Chris, as you know. You just let it out into the world and see what comes back. Look, I'm just pleased that I said, dodge this, action movie's unleashed. I actually don't know if I did say that, because I keep saying unplugged, and I think I might just have to rename it as that. And then I just do acoustic covers of action movies. Or you could say, un-bugged for this episode. Okay, that's two B references already in the first two minutes. I am incredibly excited to talk about this movie. We are setting the stage early. I think it's going to be an interesting one. I mean, before we get into it, the readers are going to want to know what... Chris Gow's been up to since last we spake. Have you seen any good stuff? What have you been watching? You're one of my favourite people to follow on Letterboxd because every time I see a movie, sometimes I'll see a movie I haven't heard of and I'll be like, oh it's like a recent action movie or it's like an Eastern thing. Then there's a movie from 1937 and I'll be like, it's gotta be Gow. It's got to be Gow with that one. What are you talking about? And I always click on it and I always read what you have to say. Because I'm intrigued. Mainly just about how you find them. You never ever comment though, so you're just lurking in the shadows, having a little route around my bins, as always. Well, here's my thing with Letterboxd, is that they do allow you to comment on people's reviews, but they don't notify you when people comment. That is true. So they don't really kind of... push the conversation engagement part of things. So I have guaranteed on a couple of things, but you just know that the person probably won't see it and therefore it's largely a waste of time. Little note for the developers of Letterboxd there. Yeah, I'll let them know. I'll let them know. You could just send me like a letter. I will. I'll fax you next time. Yeah, please. And I know, we're both... Letterboxd Pro used us, so, you know, we are engaged with the platform. We're not patrons, though, that's the next step up. No, I wasn't willing to. That was, it was like, if you like it but you have money to just throw at a wall, I'm like, alright, I mean, I like it, I'll give you a fiver. Yeah. I think that's fair enough. Let's not go mad. I've, um, what have I watched? I've watched a lot of movies. It's too much, I've watched too many movies. I've watched way too many movies. Also it's Oscar season. Oh yeah, what have you watched on the Oscar seasons? Have you watched any hot contenders? No, I had this conversation on the last episode with filmmaker Ben Malaby, who also teaches, is like an associate professor in film, so he has to, he should watch all the Oscar stuff. I've seen the Holdovers, I think that's the only thing that is probably in a list somewhere. I think that's the only worthy... Not to say everything I've watched is unworthy, but Oscars-wise, that's it. ACHOO! Sorry. God please you. Maybe there's pollen in the air. He did it on purpose. It's unbelievable. He deliberately did a real sneeze. The only one I've seen actually is the Holdovers. Okay. I liked it. What did you think of the Holdovers? Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, I did like it, but there was a little bit of... I felt a little bit of... What would you call it? pressure to really like it. I agree. And I just liked it. I thought, yeah, this is a nice movie. Did I think it was a bit too long? Yes. Would I have liked it more if it was 20 minutes, if it came in at under two hours? Almost certainly, yeah. But I certainly enjoyed the journey, and I enjoyed the performances, and I enjoyed the occasional light comedic beats. Yeah. I think that's right. If you'd sort of discovered that movie, you would love that movie. But then everyone would sort of discovered it and then they told you to love it and it makes it a bit harder. I agree. It's good though. But not to say I didn't enjoy it, because I absolutely did. It reminded me that I do like, sort of, I mean, I want to call it an indie movie, but it's not that indie, is it? It's like everyone's got pedigree. Like Alexander Payne, Giamatti. you know you're going to get something solid. It didn't come out of nowhere. But it had the feeling of an indie movie. Totally. Election is one of my favourite movies actually. So I am a big Alexander Payne fan. So yeah, it was good. It was really nice. Nice time. I did see, actually I did see a sort of, again I want to call it an indie movie, but I feel like it did have a bit of money behind it. The... Directorial debut from Jake Johnson, who you'll know from New Girl. And Jurassic. Jurassic World. Is he in Jurassic World? He's in one of them. I think he gets eaten. There's too many of them now. I think he gets eaten by a dinosaur, if I remember correctly. Oh no. I mean, if you were gonna be in one, that would be a stipulation, wouldn't it? Yeah, definitely. Please get... I do want to be eaten by a dinosaur. Or give me, like, a clever girl kind of line. Yeah, but what happens if it's like a really rubbish dinosaur, like, sort of like, slug one or something? Or... It's like a vegetarian one and it mistakes you for a log. Yeah. What was that movie called? Self-Reliance is called. It's got him in it, it's got Anna Kendrick in it, Andy Samberg pops up in it, so, you know, it's not a zero-budgety thing, but it's quite kind of indie-spirited, and it's quite fun. most of the way through, he's very enjoyable to watch, I think. How many bees would you give it out of ten? I think I gave it three and a half bees on letter bees. Letter hive. Yeah, come on, what else have you seen? I'm just looking through, I'm just looking at some, I've watched some good trash. I should look at your letterbox and demand answers. Okay, yeah. Demand and explanation. I've watched quite a lot of trash recently, deliberately. I love a bit of trash. You know, sometimes you want a burger, and sometimes you want a steak, and I've just wanted burgers all the time at the moment. Mate, this is a podcast about action movies. I'm on board. So, I saw something called 52 Pickup, which is an old Roy Scheider movie from the 80s, like really trashy. Oh wow. But it's Elmore Leonard. Do you know Elmore Leonard? Yes, yes, the crime author. It's one of his ones, and it's got, that was really fun. It was absolute trash, but it was really well directed. It was directed by John Frankenheimer, who's a great director. Oh wow, yeah, okay. It was like some trash movie directed by an absolute legend, so it was good. I mean, you all know Ronin, won't you? Yes please. It's a Frankenheimer movie. Imagine some terrible B-movie directed by, literally, top ten director. It was great. Extraordinary. It was just absolute trash. Was it a good combo? Yeah. It was like, absolute trash. Just really trashy. But just so fun. Yeah. But you say that in a sort of loving way. In a loving way, yeah. I think we're gonna get into this with The Beekeeper in some areas, I think. There's a certain amount of like... fun you can have watching dogshit movies. Trash. Yeah. Whether the Beekeeper gets into that realm or not, I wanna talk about. Oh, no spoilers! You watched the most dangerous game recently, which of course was the inspiration for Jean Cloverdam, John Woo, Hard Target. And surviving the game with iced tea, if you remember that one. Correct! What a great deep cut, Chris! That's a really good deep cut, thank you for that. I think it's also our Simpsons episode if I remember as well. Okay. Yeah, there's rich people hunting the less well to do, ostensibly, right? What's the new one that came out recently? That was really fun. The B-movie, where they're all... What is that one called? The Hunt! It's called The Hunt. Have you seen that? Oh yes, I haven't seen that yet actually. That's really fun. Yeah. Okay. That's the same premise. That's on my list. God, there's just so much. I'm only on February, and I'm just like, I just don't, I haven't heard of so many of these movies. The Descent, you watched that? That's a solid movie. Oh yeah, that was... That's Neil Marshall, isn't it? Yeah, that's got some of the best jump scares in a horror movie I think I've seen. Really good horror movie. You've given a movie from 1984 called Streetwise, five stars. Five B's. Now, that... is amazing. That is a documentary that follows kids on the street of Seattle, like real life kids who are like between 12 and 16, and they're on the streets for various reasons, and it's a documentary that follows them, and it is shocking, terrifying, sad, it's literally one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. Go and find that documentary. It's amazing. Oh my god, it's mad. Like, they catch them... Some of them are prostitutes, some of them are thieves, some of them are like, drug addicts. Like, it's insane. It's insane. It's... I think everyone should watch it. Okay. How did that even land on your radar? I was looking at the best documentaries, I was just looking at a list with the best documentaries in that. Textbooks. Yeah. Textbooks. It's not difficult, actually, is it? Not that difficult. It's really not. It's really not difficult. And then, uh... I watched it. It was great. Fair play. What else have you seen? Guy Ritchie's The Gentleman, which is a movie that I have also seen and also just didn't sit with me very well. Just felt like Guy Ritchie parodying himself. It was insane. Or trying to recapture something that was 20 years ago and now he's not young anymore and he doesn't, no one talks like that and it doesn't quite work. It smacked of him being very rich and 55, and thinking, I'll get my mates in, and all my mates will like this. But he didn't understand that not everyone has a barbecue and cooks wagyu beef on it. And like, do you know what I mean? And everyone's got like, is dressed like a Leeds barber, you know, with like, really, really hench and thin legs, but like, double breasted suit with a waistcoat. Do you know what I mean? It was just bad. Do you, um, what do you think of Guy Ritchie? Has he come up on this pod? Uh, yes, because we watched- Because! Because. That's where we are, is that where we are already? We watched, and as it's quote unquote, Guy Ritchie's The Covenant last year, myself and I think it was Matthew Highton Esquire. And that one is actually alright because it's Guy Ritchie not really being what we expect from Guy Ritchie. ALICE I thought that was, I watched it and I thought it was really solid for the first half, like really good actually. And then it just got a bit like... the numbers, but that was easily the best one. I still caught up on all of them recently, just because I hadn't seen any Guy Ritchie movies, and I watched that. RIght of a man? Yeah, Wrath of a Man. I watched something like, what's it called, it's got a really strange title. Oh no, Roos de Gur. But they're really bad. I like, it's such a wasted, like, he's just really, I know... there'll be people who love him, and I get it, but they're so derivative. Like you say, sometimes it's off himself. They're just so by the numbers. In The Gentleman there's loads of Edgar Wright close-ups of pints being pulled, or he'll use the same music that four other people have used better in three movies like The Year Before. It's just so... Or he'll do these long speeches like Quentin Tarantino, but he doesn't understand that... those scenes like, you know, like when in Pulp Fiction when Samuel L. Jackson's threatening that dude while he's eating the burger. You know, like one of those. And you're like, it's terrifying, because someone's gonna die in it. Like, you're scared and it's exciting. But he'll put one of those speeches in, but it'll just be some guy walking across his garden and you're like, it doesn't work. The same. Do you know what I mean? He's a bit of a wallie, I think. You know, and has made really good movies. And even bits of movies, and stuff that you sort of forget that were quite good, like the Sherlock Holmes movie was quite good. Even like, Man From Uncle, I don't know if you've seen that. That was great, I really enjoyed that one. Actually a great Von Caper, yeah. But then some things are just- Even The Gentleman had like bits in it that were great. Like there was a bit where there's like a grime video in the middle of it, I was like, this is great, this is really fun. But then it's just- Dogshit, I dunno. Yeah, I dunno. Same with that Wrath of Man, there was like, some bits sort of towards the end when it starts kicking off that were quite good, and then there were scenes at the beginning that I were like, is this meant to be a joke? Yeah, I agree. Like, why are they talking? Why is anyone, like, what is meant to be happening here? People saying things that don't sound like real sentences. Yeah, yeah. The way I described that- The way I can think of describing some of the scenes at the beginning of that movie is like, they're like the loading pages in between levels on a computer game. Do you know what I mean? Where Scott, I don't know what they're called, I don't play many video games, but you know those bits where they have people acting in them and you watch it while it loads? Cutscenes. Just, cutscenes. They were like that. And they're all framed slightly weird, so it just looks like it's all on green screen and stuff. It's weird. I think I want to re-watch that because a lot of people rated it and I kind of watched it. Like, just as soon as it came out on Amazon Prime, I think, thinking, oh, okay, like, yeah, Statham, alright, Guy Ritchie, alright, I love a heist, you know, and it's so indebted to like, Heat and all that type of movie, but there was just, I dunno, there's just totally something so weird about parts of it. Anyway. Yeah. I think that's a good segue, because it's got Statham, and it's got a director who has made good movies, and now makes just absolute shit. Wow, the beekeeper your presentation. I saw this in an enormous Mumbai cinema that somehow has the... says it's IMAX, but it must be some kind of IMAX spinoff where it's just a really big screen. And it was the biggest available screen, I saw the Beekeeper, and then we had to postpone this podcast a couple of times, for which I apologise, but in the interim it's come out on streaming and I, the night before we were meant to do it, I watched it again. watched this movie twice! How did you find it the second time? Well, since first I saw it, there's been a lot of people really enjoying it. And not to put all my cards on the table, but I went in very excited to see a, y'know, medium to large budget, balls out action movie in the cinema in January. Statham. I like Statham. We talked about him last time when we talked about the Equalizer, you talked about the three star classics, you know, and he's, he's just, he's put out loads of movies I've really liked. Yeah, he's the king of the three star classic. He's just, you go in there, like their dad movies, you go in, you have a good time, you forget about them. Great. Yeah. I like them. This one, I came out of the cinema feeling disappointed, and I rewatched it, and I sort of still agreed with all of my points. I... I'm gonna just lay my cards on the table, Simon. Oh, I see them. I think this movie is aggressively bad. But like, I know it's easy to like, oh well yeah, because it's Jason Sathor, but like, I really want to talk about it, because it's... I think it might tilt... When I came out of the cinema, I was just like, wow, that is bad. But like, thinking back on it, I think it might eventually tilt into a great fun time, because it's so bad. While I was watching, in the moment, I was just like, this is just bad. Like, bad, bad. ALICE This is extraordinary to hear. In our, like, we've been so cagey in the text back and forth, and like, you were like, I've got a lot to say about this, and I thought, okay, we're probably on the same page, and I was like, in a sort of therapeutic way, and then you said something that was like, in a talking about an amazing movie way, and I was like, oh no. I think Chris is gonna... absolutely have loved this movie and think it's a five star classic. And then I'm going to be the guy who's like, no, actually, I don't think Tisty doesn't know what he wants to be. No, and like, it is, B, it's going to be hard to, like, I don't want to be that guy who's like a Killjoy, like, it's an action movie and it's not trying to be anything, it's not trying to be like three colours blue or something, do you know what I mean? It's like, it is what it is. No. people to know I love three star classics, I love a bit of trash, I'm not snooty about it, but this is a bad movie. Even on that level, I think it's bad. And I want to talk about loads of stuff in it. Can we go through it bit by bit, please? Begin at the beginning, give me the on the spot podcast guest plot summation for the people who don't know. Amen. lives on a woman's land, who is apparently a beekeeper, but also lives on this woman's land, is about to depart, and he says goodbye to this old lady who treats him like his mother. And that day, little does he know, she takes a phone call by some dastardly phone scammers, and they take all her money, and a charity's money, to the... tune of millions. And that very night, three hours after the phone call, she kills herself. And Jason Statham, who is a beekeeper, goes and exacts revenge on those people. And trust me, it doesn't just stop at those people in the call center, it goes all the way to the top, guys. And I mean, all the way to City Hall and beyond. Okay, yeah, that's a pretty good synopsis without any spoilers, actually. Yeah. I mean, we're gonna get into spoilers, we're gonna have to. We'll have to get into them a little bit later, yeah. Yeah. It's difficult to know where to start with this one. What about the beginning? With the first scene! The be-getting. Oh! Buzz off! Okay. Oh god. It's literally like I can hear people just going, yeah, that's enough of that, that's enough of that, stopping the broadcast. Maybe I'll just bleep them all out. I felt, right, the movie started, and I was like, here we go. Jason Statham's the, y'know, he's the moody, weird, like... he has a conversation with this lady, and it's already a bit weird. It's already just like... Yeah, cause it doesn't quite... They don't talk like real humans in that scene. No. It's the woman from the Cosby show, and they are not talking like human beings. I will say, she's very good, she's very likeable, and she brings, I would argue, probably the only bit of sort of pathos to the movie. Even though she's scammed by like a sort of, I don't know, like a... a scene from Grand Theft Auto, or something. But her part in it, she does good acting, and I did genuinely feel quite sad for her when she got scammed. The conversation she has with Jason Statham, where he sort of does acting, it felt very awkward and strange. It was brutal. Cause he's also doing an American accent, and then they quickly realise he can't and they mention quite soon in a scene like, oh, I was brought up in England, but I've moved here. Yeah, actually, that's a plus point for me, because you so rarely get that. It's a sort of throwback to the old Jean-Claude Van Damme, like, I was in the French Foreign Legion, okay, but now I work here in Detroit. You know, and you're like, alright, fair enough. But I think it's one of the rare times when Statham goes, yeah, I was born in England, and now I live here, I guess. It was, it was, it was, again, it felt, that whole scene at the beginning felt like... What did you call them? A cutscene. Yeah. That was so bizarre. And also, right, straight after that scene, he chats to Mrs. Cosby, and then, this man loves bees. He loves bees. He's got hives everywhere, he only talks in bee metaphors for the entire thing. He loves bees. How he kills the bees that have gone into that woman's barn, is instead of just, like, killing them, he cracks a neon light bulb. and electrocutes them one by one in a bag. Great stuff. Now, I was baffled by this. Is he killing them, or does he stun them, and then he takes, he's got a bag of them and he takes them to his bee house, and he's like, some new friends for you! Oh! I literally had no clue what he was doing. I was like, oh my god, he's got a taser and a bag of bees. Later on, they're gonna wake up and kill a bad guy! But no, no. No one gets- stung to death by bees in this movie. The bees are out of it in the first 10 minutes, basically. And that was the other thing, is the first... Ordinarily, you're sort of, you're like, right, this is an action movie, get to the inciting incident, let's fucking get moving, I just want him to be angry and start kicking people. And it does, that does happen so fast, but then it, the sort of speed with which it gets to the inciting incident... continues for almost like, I guess, this whole second act, where you're just a bit like, oh shit, is that it? Oh right, well he's gonna go there and this is gonna- oh, okay, we're done with that, right, what's the next thing? Okay, oh, that scene's finished, is it? We're done. Okay, great. Like, it just felt like everything happened so fast. ALICE Because this is why I think this is an aggressively bad movie. Like, generally in, like, good writing. You know, like, something happens to the hero, and then you have like, but then, something uh, throws a spanner in the works and he has to change his plan, and then, because of that he has to go on a different little quest, but then something else throws a spanner. This has no buts in it. Yeah, but, or therefore. No buts. It's just, then he does, it's like a child telling the story. And then he goes and he blows another thing, and then he smashes a guy, and then nothing stops him. He doesn't have a single moment, I suppose the end with that guy who's pretending to be South African, like right at the end there, he has like a brief moment where he might be in trouble. He gets injured. That's it. He gets injured. And it's not like in a fun, unstoppable way like Terminator, it's just, it's bizarre. Like, what is this movie? It's just so weird. Yeah. So weird. It really is, isn't it? I love at the beginning of this movie as well, Mrs. Cosby, she has a daughter and a son who she's very close to, this woman. And she's obviously a very sweet woman, and she gets robbed of millions of dollars, and instead of like phoning the police, or probably calling her daughter who's in the FBI, she immediately shoots us. She doesn't even go, I wonder if I could, I might be able to get this back. probably got insurance, or I talked to my bank. No, just gets out a gun, fucking shoots herself straight away. Like, it's insane. That talks to the speed of this movie. Just like, no, I'm gonna kill myself. We haven't got time. Yeah. I don't want you moaning, I want you killing yourself. And she just gets on with it. It's insane. And then immediately, her daughter shows up, for the first time for no reason out of nowhere. Yeah, like, she hasn't visited for years. Also, I love that the fact that this is meant to be set in Boston, and it's in the English countryside. There's no shadow of a doubt. Mrs. Cosby is living... It couldn't be anything other than an English house. It looks... Yeah. And then later, when they're, like, in the White House, it's literally an English country... Like, a hundred percent. All of it is so... And all the actors in this, at all. so clearly English and they've got like terrible American accents. Like, they could get a mini driver for like a day and then they get that other guy who's from EastEnders in to play the deputy. So she, the mini driver's the head of the FBI. It's like, well, we can't afford her for much longer. Okay, well let's get a deputy in and then he just takes over the reins. Fascinating. It's so inauthentic. That's what it is. Everything about it is inauthentic and it feels a bit like... on Candy Valley, like you were saying, or like, or it's green screen, or it's... I know this gets said a lot, but it does feel like it's been written by AI or something. It's just so weird and generic, and like, nothing has a sense of place or meaning. It's so weird. It's so weird. Yeah. It does feel like, I dunno, there's things that kind of feel like obvious nods to other things. Like, okay, you know, yeah, let's... build the world of a secret society, of that, like, alright, I'm on board with that, we've had years of John Wick doing it, like, it's not the first time we've built a world of a secret underground organisation, I'm ready for that, I don't mind secret assassins, but then the minute he gets out a sort of old fashioned mobile phone, dials up somebody, and it's like, who answers it? Oh, it's a load of people using archaic equipment to run the organisation. It just feels like a little on the nose, you know, in the wake of... Yeah, John Wick. They also just kind of abandon it halfway through. They're like, yeah, there's something about beekeepers. But we won't get into that right now. But I love how he's got this cute little uniform which has like a little beekeeping symbol on it. I mean, did you notice that? Yeah, because you keep bees, you need a bee on your uniform. Yeah. It's so funny, and also, you know when later you meet the new beekeeper, the woman with the big gatling gun, and I love the way she leaves a book called something like Beekeeping for Beginners in the back of her truck so that the two FBI agents can talk about bees for the next half hour and read about it. Yeah, it's insane! It's so bizarre. You're the only beekeeper in the country and your job is to kill bad people or whatever. You don't need to carry your instruction booklet with you. You'll have had training. Like, why is she still carrying that around with her? They're meant to be like the super elite, right? They're the best of the best. Was she just like catching up on her homework on the way? Like, fuck, I haven't, I've never done this, I better read up on it. Yeah. That scene. to me was like, this is, I think this is one of my main problems with a movie, is that scene felt like it arrived from a different movie. Because, the whole movie, if the whole movie had been like that, had been like, listen mate, none of this is set in reality, everyone is a wacky, you know, comic book character. She arrives out of a graphic novel, shooting a fucking massive... Gatlingarn and like, to this neon petrol station, she's like a mad sort of S&M character or some sort of teenage manga wank fantasy thing. And then they have a quite enjoyable fight in the gas station. He wins, the whole thing blows up. It's like, okay, it's a very short scene, but it does at least tonally sort of feel like that could be a thing from a movie where everything is like that. But no. Where it's like, I didn't like the Harley Quinn movie, but at least it decided what it wanted to be, right? And it was that over the top. But then this goes from like, grounded, sad, like a reflection of reality. You really could have all your money fished from you. There really are these crypto bros with too much money doing stuff like that. then this guy's really hard and he will beat everyone up in a sort of grounded, like, martial arts way. But also, this cartoon lady will arrive and then there's a one-legged South African sort of comic book character at the end as well. But in between all that, it's sort of striving for a vague dose of like, reality. I don't know, that's how it felt to me. very skewed look at the Clinton administration, am I right? I can't believe they have a Hunter Biden and Hillary Clinton as the bad guys. It's insane! This movie doesn't have any sort of, I don't feel like it has any political take on it. It's just like, yeah, this goes all the way to the top and it's Hillary Clinton. Why does Josh, he's called Josh Hutchinson, isn't he? Who I thought was genuinely pretty good in this. He is good in this, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah Jason's save them doesn't give a shit because it's made like loads of money this movie. Yeah, I mean, there's about 100% of sequels now and, and you know, fair play to state them. He's not getting any younger. He's in his 50s already. Did you say this is going to get a beat call? That's the thing, right? I 100% hear you when you say you don't want to be that guy who's like, meh, meh. Like, I don't know how to watch this movie. Because I feel like that is, people are like, oh, you know, it's just a throwback to the 80s, it's just schlock, it's so stupid, they're just like, they know what they're doing, everyone's making bee puns all the way through. But it takes itself fairly seriously. It's exactly what you said. It doesn't know what it is, so it's not right. Some of those old Arnie movies where he's quipping are like, really well written movies. They're trashy movies, but they make sense, or they may be bonkers, but they kind of structurally make sense. It's so hard to understand what is going on really in this movie. I mean, it's simple, in that it's just a guy killing everyone, but it's just so erratic. this is Jeremy Irons, Jeremy Irons, who, Jeremy Irons is in this. HRH Jeremy Irons. Yeah. He is, he's giving a speech to a bunch of hard mercenaries, and the speech is about how hives work, apropos, like, why would these mercenaries want to know how, and he's literally talking about bees, he's not talking about Jason Statham, he's talking about how hives work. And if you were a mercenary and you were said to kill someone, you'd just be sitting there being like, huh? That no one is straight burning any of this. No- It's so bizarre. What is he talking about? Do you want us to go to a place and kill a man? Cause that's basically what I do. Yeah. Like, can we stop using flowery language? Is that what you want? No, I'm actually talking about how a hive works. It's so funny. It's so weird. And I love how at the beginning, like- Gemini's is good in this movie. I don't think anyone is bad in this movie, I just think it's not the sum of its parts. I think some people in this movie are bad. I think the two FBI agents, they might be good in other things, but their chemistry is like putting bees in your eyes. Literally. It's so unfunny. They're meant to be the comic relief. the dude is definitely meant to be the comic relief. I couldn't tell that. Exactly! It's so... like, they hate each other. Like, literally they hate each other, or from the dialogue, but it's meant to be banter, I think. But because it's two Americans doing it, it's just like, ugh. Like, why are you being so mean to each other? And like, this woman's mum is just dead. It feels like there was a lot maybe left on the cutting room floor. that just doesn't sort of fill out these characters. It was brutal. I also found it really funny that later in the movie they have that sequence where the FBI have to raid the, I don't know where they are, the call centre, and they all try and track them down, they're all in tactical uniforms and they've got their guns. But the female FBI agent is just in mum jeans. throughout the whole sequence, just in mum jeans. And you're like, how does that work? It's so stupid. Everything in this movie is so stupid. Also, this is, I wrote this down because there were so many things that I didn't understand why they happened in this movie. Like, when he tazes a bag of hornets, I didn't understand why. It never comes back. And also, I was like, what is this supposed to be telling us about his character? Yeah. Like is he killing the bees? Or he's stunning the bee? It's not clear what's happening. was the first of many. Then he cuts off a guy's fingers and you're like, okay, he goes into his workshop, turns on all the machines and you're like, this is going to be great. He's going to use all the machines to kill all the guys. And then what does he do? He gets a chain and winds it around a guy's neck and winches him up. Like in every single movie from the 1980s, I don't know. And then casually cuts a guy's fingers off without focusing on it. Like, it's bizarre. And then it's done. But then in the next scene, he cuts off the lady's fingers, and I was like, why is he cutting off everyone's fingers? Oh, I see, it's not related, he needed her finger for the fingerprints to get into a building. But it's right after a scene where he cut off someone else's fingers. I'm so stupid. It doesn't have any internal logic. That's all it needs. I'm on board. I'm on board. If it's camp, I'm on board. If it's gritty, I'm on board. If it's just like the Terminator, I'm on board. But it's just... That's my... David Ayer is a bad director. Interesting. And I don't understand why. Because he used to be a great director. I cannot understand. End of Watch is a legit great movie. Like, legit great movie. Yeah, I like it. Fury's pretty good. I liked Fury. And Bright is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I think I'm on the surprising side of the scale where I quite liked Bright for some reason. Oh my god, fuck me, that movie. Think of one of three people. Jesus. It was so bad. Like, but this is like, what's he, what do you say he has- I mean, I suppose some of the action is pretty well done. Well, that's the other thing. Yeah, like, the action is handled by Jeremy Marinas, who did a lot of the action on John Wick, so like, the pedigree of the action should be amazing. And I think occasionally there's glimpses of what it could have been, but somehow it never quite delivered for me. It's either everything is too short. It felt like choppy or, you know, tonally it's a bit weird. Like the petrol station thing is fun, but way too short. The end fight is quite good. Still quite short. The bit where he beats up a load of FBI agents in a circle is like, sure. Okay. I quite liked it. But also it was like so stupid where there's just like... guys in the background flailing around, like, instead of just immediately murdering him, I'll run at him with my gun. I know it's pointless taking it apart at that level. But is it? But I was just looking at it going, what's that guy doing then? While he's punching that guy? Why can they only get him once they come into the frame? I think you can dismantle a move. You can, like, because... It's meant to be an action movie, right? So the one thing it should have going for it is the action. Like, you'll forgive a lot of stuff in an action movie if the action is thrilling, and the chases are good, and you feel your heart pound in your chest. But if, like you say, even on that metric, there's a dude in the melee just sort of standing around waiting to be hit, you're like, well it's not doing a fight scene properly. And like, I don't think it is the choreographer, the stunt coordinators that like... those parts of it were good. It is the direction, right? Everything you just described. The pace, the tone, the performances, the edi- like, the rhythm of it. That's all on the director. Like, it's just a bad movie. Like, it's not even like, fun bad, it's just bad. I do feel like, I think maybe it will circle around and become a... So bad it's good late night classic in the future. I think so. I just, that's the thing, I don't think it's like, so bad in that way. I think it's just like... Messy. Very mediocre, and it's arrived in cinemas in January, which is like, traditionally a dry patch, and everyone's like, hello! Hello! This is much better than anything we're usually served up at this time of year. Yeah. Absolutely. There's one bit. This is the other. I only wrote down a few notes. because of things that just stood out and I didn't understand. There's a bit where the two FBI agents are in their office, sort of chatting over elements of the case slash B things. And very, very prominently in the background are two men fixing a leaking fire sprinkler in the roof. There's also a bunch of balloons hanging to one side in the background. I have so many questions about that particular shot and scene. I was just like, they're so conspicuous. Was it just like, this is the dullest shot I've ever seen, we need something in the background, like, just muddy up the frame, like do something, and they were like, well we've got a ladder and a balloon. Can we do- is that anything? It's just so weird, I dunno, it was just so weird. It's a testament to how bad those two performances are though, that you were looking at the background of a scene that is meant to be engaging. I mean, like, again, I'm sure those guys... I feel like I've seen the female lead in something, she's in something like quite big and famous. And I'm sure they're good in other movies, but they were so fucking bad. Like the chemistry, Jesus. I wonder if that scene, they'd cut our whole section. where there was something to do with that. They probably had. Yeah. Again, it feels like cutting room floor stuff, yeah. It felt like a Netflix movie. And then I found out it's a Sky movie, and it kind of makes sense. Like, Sky made that for Sky. Paid for that. Right. That's why it's all set in the UK. But it feels like it's still got a pretty big, a pretty sizeable bunch. Yeah. I think it's set in the UK because Jason Satham wants to hang out. at home while he made this movie. That's the only... there must be that. Checks out. It literally must be that. Yeah. Absolutely fine. And that's why the President's retreat is a Sussex country home. It doesn't even vaguely look American. Like, and Mrs. Cosby's house, it's literally... it's so funny. Like, it's listed like, green pastures, and it's just so English. Like... they think they could get away with it? And you never see any like skylines or anything. It's always in like, I don't know, industrial estates and like... Stock footage cut in of Boston. Stock footage, yeah. Why Boston as well? It's so funny it was so in Boston. It sort of gets to, you know, it tries to play the sort of angle of the FBI agents have to catch him because it's their job, but they also realise that he's only killing the baddies. So like, hmm, you know, well, are we gonna... Are we gonna shoot him? But then also, all of the other people who are protecting the president aren't morally conflicted. Like, their job would literally be, oh, there's a man with a gun here, we have to immediately neutralise him. And yet they're all, to a person, useless. Yeah. And all the way through this, FBI woman should be grieving the loss of her mother, but doesn't seem to face her. In any way. No, literally after that, like one scene, it's just... done. Oh, such a bad movie. What did you think of The Meg 2? I have seen neither Megs thus far. You're Meg-less. Is that a stealthy recommend? The Meg has its charms. The Meg 2 doesn't have its charms. Meg is pretty bad, but it's quite... Meg too also has Wu Jing in, who is like, a huge Chinese action star. So part of me was like, okay, is he gonna do any martial arts with Jason Statham? It's got that weird thing, you know when Chinese and American co-productions, when they make movies, they always have that weird like... Money. Yeah. Yeah, it's got, they've got loads of money, but they've got like... It's so vanilla, because China doesn't want various things, so everything is just like really strange. And like, the love interest is an Asian woman and Jason Statham, but they obviously don't want Jason Statham and the Asian woman to kiss, because of whatever, like, some sort of, something going on in China. So there's just this really weird chemistry. So weird. Yeah. They're pretty bad. Look. I think it might be time for me to press you into an action replay moment. What are those bits, the rewindable bits of this movie? While you think, I suppose I will offer up the bit where he wanders in to the gang of FBI agents. A bit that should be really good. Where he's just like, if there was some way of getting in here, I'll get in. Who am I? Let's just say, I know a thing or two about bees. And then he beats up 10 people that have encircled him in a way that alternates between quite extended takes of like, sets of moves that Statham is quite good at performing, and slightly annoying bits where you're like, I mean by now one of them probably would have shot him, I think. Yeah. I think. Yeah. And then it ends with him flipping someone on, who lands on a moving car, which is quite nice and kind of put me in mind of the Arc de Triomphe bit in John Wick 4. Which is no bad thing. But, it's not John Wick 4, that's for sure. Well that's the other thing, there's a sort of argument of like, well, John Wick's absolutely stupid and mental and like, but I'm like, at some point I'm just happy to believe John Wick's got a bulletproof suit and that's okay. Whereas in this, he's just a bloke wandering around, like dodging bullets, or like, just being generally indestructible. John Wick has his own logic, and you either buy into it or you don't, but like, it's like immaculate filmmaking. My action replay is the bit where he- Begrudging action replay. Don't make me watch it again. He ties the guy to the car and then he flies off the bridge. That was my favourite bit. Do you remember that bit? Yeah. When he carves a finger and then he puts him in a seatbelt and then he just drives him off. Yeah. That was the bit I liked. Yeah. After he just very casually cuts off his fingers, then he lets him drive away somehow, but- then catches up to him to extra murder him. Yeah, double murder. Fair. Cause that's what bees do in the hive. That's true. Clearly explained. If you agitate bees, they will sting you, then wait, then come back and double sting murder you. Yeah. They're known for that. What I think is quite interesting in talking about elements of this movie is that describing bits of them sound like it could be a really fun movie. Like, oh, he ties a guy to the back of a car and drives the car off a... what do you call it? A bridge? A drawbridge? Not a drawbridge. Suspension bridge. No. I don't even, yeah. A drawbridge. A bridge that goes up to let boats through. Oh, that sounds fun. Oh, he's like cheekily goes up to a group of FBI agents. There's a crazy sort of... Sexy cartoon ladies shooting a gatling gun like, you know, these bits on their own, isolated sound alright. Yes. Somehow do not fit together. I think you hear the nail on the head, it just doesn't know what it is. And so you can't ever get on board with it. Well, loads of people I know love it. I don't know why. It just caught everyone by surprise. I don't know. I wanted to like it, but it kept annoying me. Yeah. I kept on tutting and like laughing in the cinema. In the beginning of 2024, year of the Tradesman action movies, the painter, the beekeeper, the bricklayer. This week I also watched the bricklayer. What was that? Rennie Harlin directed it. Oh my god! Rennie Cliffhanger, Die Hard 2 Harlin. Yeah. He's got Aaron Eckhardt in the lead. He's another former, you know, Spec Ops CIA agent who now just... just lays brick, because, y'know, he understands a brick, he knows what it can do, it does one job, once you put the brick down, you know it's gonna do what it said it's gonna- y'know, that kind of bullshit. I went in thinking this is probably gonna be quite a Ropey DTV movie, and I would say it's a... It looks much better than it has any right to. I think it's pretty low budget, but like, Rennie Harlin knows his way around making an action movie, and he does deliver that. I kind of felt more satisfied by it than the Beekeeper. There's like fight scenes that are longer than the fight scenes in the Beekeeper, with Jason Statham, the action star who does fighting. It's Aaron Eckhart. He's an actor. I don't think he's like, got a background in martial arts. I dunno. I just think that movie... was like, we only have to do one thing in this movie really, and it's put a lot of action in it. And they did that reasonably well. Is the plot not great? Yeah, has it got some stupid shit in it? Yeah. But it sort of scratched the itch, for me. ALICE But that's it, that's what we were saying earlier. RILEY It is a bit too long. The Beekeeper is like, a sliver over ninety minutes, so you can't argue that it's too long. And I'd hate to argue it's too short. balloon and leaking vent scene out of it. I mean, he's obviously editing, he can edit it. I can't wait to see that on the Blu-ray. The extended cut. Now with more balloons. Yeah. Now with all the bits to make the movie sort of make a bit more sense put back in, I dunno, like I don't want to sound like I've been over, over harsh on this movie, because, but it just didn't work for me. And I think most people will think it is... at least average. Especially people who are just like, it's a Jason Statham movie. As long as he's, you know, gruff, moody and beats a load of people up. I mean, it will check those boxes. But I, maybe my expectations were too high? I dunno. I don't know what it was. I, but I do think I'm coming at it from a place of, I really like action movies and I wanted it to be a good one and it just didn't feel like a good one to me. That's all I'm saying. David Ayer. What then? Poof. Chris has laid the blame squarely at one person's feet. Suicide Squad is also one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Completely nonsensical, Suicide Squad. Have you seen Suicide Squad? No, I've seen THE Suicide Squad. Aggressively bad. Bright. Aggressive. Aggressively bad. Beekeeper. Very bad. Oh man. In that case, Chris, I can sort of only apologise for reeling you back in. Oh, mate. Again, though, I enjoyed it. I think a movie is... Honestly, there's only two things that really make me hate a movie, which is being pretentious and being boring. And The Beekeeper was neither of those. That's for sure. It's bad. Bad play. It's pretty aggressively bad, like... Craft-wise, but like, it's still a fun time. I mean, it was still a fun time. Do you know what I mean? Even like, you're just sitting in the cinema and you're like, even just scoffing at it, it's still a fun time. But like, if it's pretentious or boring, you can't even do that, they're the worst. So, I dunno. Go and see it, if you haven't seen it, and then report back to Simon. on the comments page. ALICE It is exactly the type of movie to watch on Sky Cinema for free as part of your subscription at home, right? I guess. ALICE Yeah, yeah. That's it. ALICE If you go in with zero expectations, I think you'll be absolutely fine. ALICE No higher praise. Christoph, thank you so much for your time once more. I feel like we started with such a banger with Equalizer 3 and now I've delivered a sub-par one for you. For next time we'll see if we can get you a real tasty morsel. Let's do a Hong Kong, give me your best Hong Kong, like mad Hong Kong thing that you think I won't have seen, that's what I'm into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would absolutely love to do that. Well, you know what's sort of sad and frustrating a little bit, is that, going back and just looking at all the movies we've done on this, we've only done one Hong Kong movie, because they're just not making as many movies these days. There's more, like, South Korean movies coming out in this realm. Oh, watch one of those. And they're absolutely nailing it. I'll watch one of those. Yeah. I'll pull you in for, um... something tasty from the Far East next time, I think. Hey, if people want to find you all over the internet, or tucked away in South London, can they and should they? I don't think they should find me in South London, that'd be really bizarre, that'd be weird. Fair enough. But, find me on Letterbox. But if you want to give out your full address, now's the time. Find me on Letterbox. Find me on Letterbox and leave some comments. And like Simon. That's where I work. And while you're at it, let's all... send a little note to the developers, just saying, could you pop a little bell icon in the top corner or just something so we can see the comments quickly and then we can really engage in that nerdy letterbox movie discussion. I always thought I'd turned off the comments. Hey. Well I've been commenting, mate. You've got a lot. Thank you for having me. No worries. Thank you for coming, Christoph. If you want to find Dodge This still hanging out on Twitter, it's at dodge this pod. Everything about me you can find at SimonFielder.com basically links to all the socials. If you want to become a real supporter of the podcast, there is a link below. You can do that with actual Earth money. Otherwise, we'll see you in a couple of weeks time for another episode. Chris, join me in screaming at the top of your lungs goodbye and I will do it at a moderate volume because I'm in a hotel room and people might think I'm going mad. Bye bye!